Movie: Jack the Giant Slayer

"Jack the Giant Slayer"

Jack the Giant Slayer tells the story of an ancient war that is reignited when a young farmhand unwittingly opens a gateway between our world and a fearsome race of giants. Unleashed on the Earth for the first time in centuries, the giants strive to reclaim the land they once lost, forcing the young man, Jack (Nicholas Hoult) into the battle of his life to stop them. Fighting for a kingdom, its people, and the love of a brave princess, he comes face to face with the unstoppable warriors he thought only existed in legend-and gets the chance to become a legend himself.” — (C) Warner Bros

Not a fan.

Okay, so I might be a little tired from all the things I have been doing in real life. But I was well-rested, sort of, before coming in to watch Jack the Giant Slayer. So imagine my surprise when I slept through the opening scenes.

It wasn’t until the beanstalk sprouted from the ground that things started to feel like something was happening. I didn’t fall asleep after that. I did start to wonder though what story the movie was going to tell, because by that point, I realized that the movie was only about one thing: Jack wants to get inside the princess’s pants.

I read somewhere online that the film was very handsome. And it is. Everything looks great. The computer animated bits? Seamless. Well, the giants looked a tiny bit too clean, but that was it. The rest were visually pleasing. The costumes, the sets–everything. Now, if only the people behind the film spent just as much time on the story.

The story of Jack the Giant Slayer really starts on the night the beanstalk shoots up, up to Jack finding a way to stop the giants from killing everyone. The rest of what happens feels like filler, scenes to stuff the film with just so it looks like there’s a lot happening. What it succeeds in doing though is make the film drag.

Seriously. The film takes so long to get anywhere, and by the time it does, everything just suddenly speeds up and before you know it, the movie’s done.

And the worst part is, I wasn’t even entertained. Well, I was a little. Ewan McGregor is a hoot as Elmont, the leader of the King’s elite guard. Stanley Tucci’s Roderick was exceptionally evil. The rest of the cast, I think, took their roles too seriously. And that created a disjoint, I think. A movie that has sight gags and cheeky winks at the audiences shouldn’t allow their leads act like they’re on a sweeping love story.

I think this was the biggest reason why I couldn’t connect with the film. The film couldn’t even connect with itself!

But that’s just how I see it. Have you seen the film? What can you say about the retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk?