Movie: Si Agimat, Si Enteng Kabisote, at si Ako

And once again, the people behind the Enteng Kabisote franchise managed to ruin my childhood.

Si Agimat, si Enteng Kabisote, at si Ako is the sequel to the 2010 hit Si Agimat at si Enteng Kabisote. This time, box-office kings Vic Sotto and Bong Revilla, Jr. are joined by box-office queen Judy Ann Santos. The story, what little there is of it, takes place after the events of Enteng ng Ina Mo, Vic Sotto’s collaborative movie from last year’s Metro Manila Film Festival.

And just like in last year’s entry, this one ruins the character of Enteng Kabisote–and brings down the characters of Faye/Chlorateam, Samara, and Agimat with it.

This film was completely disappointing, considering how heartfelt the first collaboration was. In my opinion then, Si Agimat at si Enteng Kabisote worked because it gave focus to what the franchise was supposed to be about: family. This year’s film focused on trust issues–the same issues that were brought up and resolved in last year’s Enteng ng Ina Mo. And to bring out these trust issues that needed to be addressed, the characters of Enteng Kabisote, Faye/Chlorateam, Samara and Agimat were tweaked to devolve into their base emotions–and not the good ones.

Which brings me to the biggest problem, I think, the film has: Judy Ann Santos’s character.

Angelina (or Ako, as she wants to be called) is an extreme environmentalist who gives no thought to the repercussions of her actions. She does things without thinking of the consequences, and thus puts into motion a painful jealousy subplot for the male main characters and their respective loved ones.

She openly flirts with both Agimat and Enteng Kabisote, and yet is only called out on it by the wives and one other character–that of John Lapus’, who is made to look antagonistic even though he is the only one making any sense.

That is, until the end when he refuses to help defeat the monster boss. And when he automatically forgives Agimat and Enteng Kabisote for being absolute douches because Ako tells him to. Then again, that’s pretty much all he does in the whole movie: do what Ako tells him to do and be the emotional punching bag for the main characters.

But at least he gets actual characterization. The rest of the cast don’t even get that: the powerful Ina Magenta is demoted to just being a punchline and a pusher of plots; Enteng’s family and friends only appear to serve as sounding boards and comic relief; Agimat’s world only provides the grunts and minions–cannon fodder, basically; and GMA-7′s once-popular tweens are completely underused.

And that brings me to my biggest pet peeve when it comes to film franchises: continuity. Yassi Pressman, who has played a fairy before, is shown now as part of Ako’s team. Good for the actress, she gets more screen time–but it was something the casting director (or the writer) could’ve fixed. They could’ve cast another actress for a whole new character, or they could’ve written her ousting from Engkantasya into the story, to make more sense of how there is a whole new fairy world that no one knew about!

My next gripe has to do with Barbie Forteza who already appeared in a significantly bigger role in the first collaboration of Agimat and Enteng Kabisote. She played the bratty god-daughter of Enteng in the film from two years ago–and in fact, she is the one who introduces Bogart (Wally Bayola) into the Kabisote household. Again, this is something that the casting director, or the writer, could’ve fixed. But I’m leaning towards blaming the writer with this one–especially because her cameo could’ve actually propelled the story forward without resorting to a sequence of exposition.

Barbie has a connection to Enteng Kabisote. She gets attacked by evil aliens. She can be the one to call Enteng for help, instead of having a totally unnecessary interview scene on television that Enteng will then watch–and not believe! What the hell, right?

I could go on and on about how bad this film is, but you know what? I won’t even bother anymore.

Whatever charm and wit there was in Si Agimat at si Enteng Kabisote is completely absent in this money-grab masquerading as a film.

Movie: Moron 5 and the Crying Lady

I wanted to post the official synopsis of the movie, but it was too long, and too full of run on sentences, that I finally decided against it. Instead, here’s the cliff notes version of the movie’s plot:

We follow five friends, portrayed by Luis Manzano, Billy Crawford, DJ Durano, Martin Escudero and Marvin Agustin. I’m not even going to give you their names because pretty much act as one unit throughout the whole movie, with one main characteristic that gives them “identity.” Luis is the leader and the “most handsome”, Billy is the one who would do anything for food, DJ is the most stupid of the lot, Martin is the one who always finds a plot moving clue unwittingly, and Marvin is the one who is quick to anger. Aside from these “personalities” they kind of act alike: moronic. Which, I guess, makes the movie’s title very apt.

Anyway, these five friends unintentionally ruin the life of a Becky Pamintuan (John Lapus) when they accidentally reveal to her husband-to-be that she is transgendered. The husband-to-be dies of heart failure, and Becky swears vengeance on our five protagonists. Setting them up for a murder they did not commit (though, because of a sight gag, they might as well have), and then sending them to prison so they could rot for the rest of their life. Except they don’t. Because they escape and they go to extraordinary lengths to prove that they are innocent.

Now, I was on the fence on whether I was going to watch this movie or not. A second viewing of the trailer made me realize that, hey, this might not be bad at all. So I soldiered the heat and went to the nearest mall to catch the movie. After the first thirty minutes, I knew I made a mistake. I should’ve trusted my first judgment. I shouldn’t have watched the movie.

The thing is, I can’t say the movie wasn’t funny. I found myself wanting to chuckle a couple of times, both because of comedian John Lapus, whose comic timing is still impeccable. It was just that the material was so lacking, that I felt if Sweet (the handle John Lapus uses in the industry) was given free reign, his scenes might have been funnier. Aside from this, the few people who were watching with me seemed to be enjoying themselves. Heck, there was one group who kept laughing out loud at the antics of five moronic friends! So, I guess the movie was working for its target market.

And much as I don’t want to nitpick, because this is not the movie that really cares about logic or continuity, I had a lot of facepalm moments in the second half of the movie when the vengeful genius of Sweet’s character was reduced to a stereotypical villain–complete with a psychotic subplot, a sudden murderous streak, and a scheme that would make the lowliest villain shake its head at its ineffectiveness. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that the character who was able to orchestrate the frame up of five morons were shown up by the same people he sent to prison! And don’t get me started on how they actually escaped from prison.

If you plan on watching the movie, prepare to suspend your disbelief. A lot. Heck, check in your brain at the package counter if you can. You’re not going to need it when you watch the film. I just feel really bad for Martin Escudero who had shown so much promise and potential in Zombadings. Now he’ll have this movie to bog down his resumé. Unless, you know, this movie rakes the money in, then it wouldn’t matter that it was really, really bad.

So if you’re on the fence on whether or not you should see this film, here’s my advice: watch the trailer instead. All the good parts are in it. The rest of the movie was just a waste of time.